Wear jokes
People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.
Why do horny, deaf girls wear tight pants?
So you can read her lips.
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.
Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
What brands do people in wheelchairs wear?
Michelin.
I hate wearing a mask in public.
What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?
You need more dressing.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.
After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
Why are you wearing a cap? Oh, I know, to cover your hairline!
Yo mama is so fat, when she wore yellow, the kids thought they missed the bus.
Yo mama so fat that when she went into a crowd wearing a blue shirt, everyone yelled, "Tsunami!"
You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"