When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
What do you call a gay grenade?
A fragette.
Know the nuclear bombs of the world.
๐ท๐บ๐งจ a โbadโ bomb
๐จ๐ณ๐งจ โww3โ
๐ฌ๐ง๐งจ a โgoodโ bomb
๐บ๐ธ๐งจ Japanese area testing
๐ฎ๐ฑ๐งจ what bomb
๐ฎ๐ท๐งจ just self defence
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!
What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!
Theyโd probably get shellshocked, wasnโt it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, Iโm headed for the egg-it.
Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.
There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
Do I like playing Russian Roulette? Gun to the head, I'd have to say no.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
Why canโt anyone sing โhit me with your best shotโ at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time it was sung... the line โfire awayโ caused massive confusion and shooting!
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
I remember my grandma's last words:
"What are you doing with that axe?"
Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.
So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.
This didn't actually happen.
"Hey man, what's that, a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok, well hold it over. I'll give it right back."
"Oh no, I won't!"
"Oh yes, you will!"
"Oh, I won't!"
"Oh yes, you will!"
"Ok fine, then you take it or I'll blow our your butt before it farts."
A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!
A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"
My life is like a grenade... I pull off the ring and, BOOM, it explodes!
