Weapon jokes
Why did everyone dislike Little Johnny at school?
'Cause he pierced everyone's livers with a .357 magnum.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bum.
Bum who?
Bum holding a pistol!
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
Why did the boy shoot the clock?
What do you call a gay grenade?
A fragette.
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
I remember my grandma's last words:
"What are you doing with that axe?"
What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time it was sung... the line “fire away” caused massive confusion and shooting!
What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!
They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.
Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
Do I like playing Russian Roulette? Gun to the head, I'd have to say no.
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"