Weapon jokes

What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?

Nothing.

Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.

So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.

He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.

Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"

The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."

The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.

So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.

I impaled my son with a pitchfork...

He looks very sharp.

Gun + Backpack = Fun!

Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:

1. USA was NEVER invaded!

2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!

3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!

4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.

5. We have more allies than you.

6. We are smaller but stronger.

7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!

Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.

Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.

I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.

Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.

George, when I saw your face, I had to shoot you with a Nerf gun. If you died, wimp.

How do you think Julius Caesar killed his enemies?..

With a pair of Caesars! 😂😂👌

What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?

Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. 😂

Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"

Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"

Officer: "Ok!"

*silence*

*explosion*

Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

Spongebob: Easy now, you try first. Get a jar.

Patrick: *picks up nuke*

Spongebob: Patrick, that's a nuke!

Patrick: Yes.

Nuke: *boom*

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it hit me!

Are you a bullet?

*gets shot*

What does a gas grenade and a baby have in common?

They both squeal when you throw them.

What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common?

Both want to put a Winchester in their mouth.

Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?

Because homing missiles don't work on them.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

Africa has every gun except for what?

A water gun.