Weapon jokes
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
Why are the best used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.
What did the Deagle say to the G17?
"Son, you're rushing, but in some way, I like it."
Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.
I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Gun. Gun who?
What do you get when you eat a hamburger?
Mustard gas.
I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.
What do guns and women have in common?
They both get cocked and loaded.
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
What do you call autistic people with guns? Special forces.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?
Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Glock, glock.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make noise after you throw them.
Why are ninjas' farts so dangerous? Because they're silent and deadly.
How do you get a clown off your swing?
You shoot it.
When the school shooter drops his gun, and the autistic kid picks it up thinking it’s his long lost nerf gun.
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.