Weapon jokes
When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15?
A MAGAzine.
Kid goes to the kitchen.
Mom: What are you doing here?
Kid: Just checking out the knife.
Mom: So you've chosen death.
A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost.
So as they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun." And the man from New York said, "Bring me a gun as well!"
The guy was confused but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For the France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started shooting and laughing like a mad man and said. 3 men lived through this and one said to the others, "Well...sh!# that didn't go as planned."
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
What do a baby and a grenade have in common? They both make loud noises when thrown.
(Me) Hey bro, tell me a joke!
(My friend) Your mom. *Starts Laughing*
(Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him*
At this moment, he knew he fucked up.
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
Orphan: Shooting gun at shooting range, "I'm out of bullets, got a magazine?"
Guy: That's probably because you're single.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Glock 46.
Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?
A knife has a point.