Weapon jokes
"Remember, switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
What would you do after seeing your most loved one shot? Reload.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds?
Because it's the average class size.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
True as fuck
Get the gun, shoot it up your bum!
Roses are red, so is my gun. Why do you ask? Because it's full of blood.
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."
What did the Deagle say to the G17?
"Son, you're rushing, but in some way, I like it."
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.