Weapon jokes
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
Get the gun, shoot it up your bum!
Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?
Because homing missiles don't work on them.
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
Steps to win a Nerf war:
Step 1. Take out Nerf bullets.
Step 2. Load hollow points.
Step 3. Win!
Memes
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Answer: Special forces.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.
I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
Because he got fired!
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
What is the difference between a bag of chips and a gun?
If you pull one of them suddenly, everybody wants to be your friend.
How did the bullet lose its job? It got fired!
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Why can't weapons play baseball?
Because they need to get to home base.
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!