Weapon jokes
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
Yo mama is so fat, she got locked in a weapon store, and she broke it down without any weapons.
39, 41, 43, AK, 47, AK-47. You get it? Lmao.
What is the strongest weapon in India?
The red button (this is a fact).
Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
A depressed guy walks into a utensil store and finds a knife, but he didn't stab himself... Part 2 coming out tomorrow.
What do LGBTQ+ people use as a weapon in THG (The Hunger Games)?
A rainbow.
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.
The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"
Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
A fact! I think I'm officially a poo-buster, as the plunger does look like the weapon in "Ghostbusters"!
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?
one has a point.
Kid goes to the kitchen.
Mom: What are you doing here?
Kid: Just checking out the knife.
Mom: So you've chosen death.
What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.
So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.
This didn't actually happen.
How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?
He starts to quiver! ;)