A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
How do you get a clown off your swing?
You shoot it.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.
What is the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school? Don't ask me, i just fly the drone.
I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!
Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
American: I've never shot a gun.
African: That's the first coming from an American!
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
He asked for a shot of beer?
He got shot and killed.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
