Water jokes
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"
What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
Why does an emo wish they were a fish?
Because they're underwater.
Dark humor is like water, some people get it, some people don’t.
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
I like my people how I like my tea...
In a bag under water.
Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?
Yeah, it went on and on.
What's the difference between a low tide and your hairline?
Nothing, they're both receding.
Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.
Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!
You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.
When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
I wanna take drowning lessons, but I can't find more than one session.