Session jokes

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

Therapist: So what brought you here today?

Wife: He's too literal.

Therapist: And you, sir?

Husband: My truck.

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.

A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."

Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.

Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.

Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???

Daina (😌): I know, right?

Therapist just mean the-rapist.

What do you call a group of rappers stuck in traffic?

A cypher circle.

Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?

He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.

I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.

I wanna take drowning lessons, but I can't find more than one session.

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

Roses are red, I have a confession:

A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.

Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.

Update: I got banned from BIGO Live.

I'm a rapist.

Hi, I am just wondering who went into my account, 'cause I've changed my password, by the way.

It's not rape if you both like it.