Warning Jokes

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.

Warning! Cringe Alert!

What happens when you leave your phone at jail?

It becomes a cell phone.

Everyone, just as a warning, stay AWAY from Akeld!

A photo of two signs. The upper sign is yellow and reads "SLOW, CHILDREN AT PLAY." The lower sign is white and reads "HUNTING WITH SHOTGUN ONLY."

Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”

Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned!”

Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.

When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

The kid that died is cut in half, and you see the next trap. It looks like a giant pit that you have to jump over, and you clear it, but you feel something on your back, and you realize that there is a spike that comes up when you jump over. You see the other contestant jump over. You try to warn them to not step over because they would get stabbed, but they ignore you and then get hit by the spike. The next obstacle is a wall that slams on a wall. You wait until the wall closes, and you quickly run through. The next person runs through, and they get to live.

Sorry, this is small. This is also a part two.

A friend warned me that if I voted for Goldwater in 1964, we'd end up bombing North Viet Nam.

Well, I voted for him anyway, and sure enough, we ended up bombing North Viet Nam.

Warning! Warning! Warning! Warning!

"What? Where?"

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

Commander: "Fire a warning shot."

Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."

Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."

Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*

Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.