Warning jokes
What did Kobe say to the helicopter?
"Don't crash!"
Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this one's gonna blow!
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Look at me again,
It will be the end of you.
What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?
The tornado siren doesn't get raped.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
What did one twin say to the other?
"Watch out for the plane!"
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
What did the south tower say to the baby north tower?
"Here comes the airplane!"
Don't do suicide, that shit kills.
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.