Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?
Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.
How many gears does a French tank have?
One forward and six reverse.
Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
What is long and hard and full of seamen?
A submarine.
What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?
I don't know... I just fly the drone.
Craig Duncan is a child soldier with bad breath and has killed 5 people (on Fortnite).
What do you call a gay grenade?
A fragette.
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.
How did the British lose the War of 1812?
They were out-Britshed.
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"
What's the difference between an air blower and Little Boy?
When the air blower blew, it did not wipe out Hiroshima.
I was in a terrorist a famous terrorist group. No, not the Taliban. We called ourselves the Talabam.
What is your arm's favorite military branch? The army.
There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.
A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.
What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
What's the difference between an ISIS training center and a school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
