War jokes

"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"

"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"

I'm going to pull out your lungs faster than Joe Biden pulled troops out of Afghanistan.

Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die.

"After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families."

This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio.

"There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers."

Some of the tribal members begin walking by, displaying various implements of war and death.

The first explorer chose a crusty-looking musket. Thankfully, the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss.

The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat.

Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen.

The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought.

After a few moments, the chieftain said, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..."

"Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted?

Baffled, the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink.

When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear.

Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink.

Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper, and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..."

Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso, nib first, again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle.

Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word.

"But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked.

Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite TV show?

Robot Wars.

America saying they are more stupid. Russia saying they are more stupid = the stupidest war.

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

Why'd I cum all over your mummy's panties? 'Cause she's hot af.

LOLOLOOLOLLOL

I am only here because me no like Blues Clues LGBTQ episode as I don’t believe in that. If you do, ok.

And it shouldn’t be a month, the month should be for all of the war veterans, it should be a day for pride. Companies only use this month for money; it’s exploitation because they don’t truly support, unlike me, in which I don’t support it.

Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.

9/10/01

Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”

Women be like men cause wars, [but] forget men fight those wars while they fake cry.

Star Wars jokes:

Qui-Gon Chin, Mace Chindo, Chinbakka, Darth Chinious, Anachin Skywalker.

In the morning at 6:30 AM,

Teacher: Who fought in World War I?

Me: Trump & Biden.

Teacher: Oh ok... well good job class, see you tomorrow and study your books.

After school,

Teacher: Oh God those kids know nothing.

"She looks at her clock."

Teacher: And now I am sewed.

What do call six gay men going in a war?

Rainbow Six Siege.

What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.

What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.

You're so ugly that you and Adolfo Hitler are like twins.

What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?

A war of nutrition.

Why did Hitler kill himself? He knew the war was over at the beginning.

I heard World War 500000 in my parents'.

They call it the Cold War because Russia is cold in 2 ways.