Want jokes

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Why did an orphan rob a bank?

To be wanted.

"How would you describe a really bad skeleton?"

"Bad to the bone!" (Or "Rotten to the bone" if you want.)

Why do the police never catch the orphan?

The orphan is not wanted.

What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"

Why did the turkey suck my bacon? Because it wanted cum in its mouth.

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

My name is Gwen, and I say rape jokes aren't funny. It's not funny for people to have sex with you without you agreeing. Also, they're getting old and NOT FUNNY! If anyone has something to say, please do. Comment if you agree or not. It's okay; I want to hear what you say. Just tell me if they are not funny.

We will have a contest to see how many people comment on saying they're good and funny, or people saying they're bad and terrible jokes and should not be made. May the best votes and comments win.

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!

After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."

Why do orphans play GTA?

So they can get wanted.

I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.

"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.

"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

Why do leaves change color in the fall?

Because they want to leaf their old color.

Are you adopted?

No.

I mean, who would want you?

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

Hello, this is our fun CULT, haha, or CLUB, whatever you want!

Love you, orphan haters! :^ Nina

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.