Want jokes

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."

Then: You want free candy?

Now: You want free Wi-Fi?

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?

Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.

In my locality, there was an orphanage but everybody in the locality was really sexist too, so they had to change the orphanage into a brothel 'cause everybody took the boys away and nobody was taking the girls and the manager didn't want to waste any 14-year-old pussy, did he?

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.

The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.

The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.

What am I?

A: A baby.

"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."

- Sun Tzu

Why do orphans like stealing things?

They wanted to have company.

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

Why can't an orphan be a criminal?

Because they aren't wanted.

What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?

At least outlaws are wanted.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.

Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?

Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?

Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?

They wanted some family time.

Want to hear a maze joke?

Never mind, too corny.

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.