Want jokes

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So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.

The tree left him hanging though.

Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

Why do orphans become criminals?

So they can become wanted for once.

There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.

I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.

Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.

"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."

"Why?"

"Because I want to hang!"

Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.

I want a relationship.

*Masturbates*

I don't want a relationship.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.

Why did the ocean wave?

It wanted to say "Hi Tide."

Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.

Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!

Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA? Because they weren't wanted.

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Where do mermaids get a job?

At the kelp wanted station.

"Me tells dad joke often."

"I want to hear it."

"Me? You wouldn't get it."