Want jokes

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

She really wanted a boner.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win no-bell prize!

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Die.

Die who?

Me, I want to die.

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.

Kid: I want to be Batman.

Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.

Why can't Columbus be offered a professional football team?

Because then Cincinnati would want one too.

What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.

Why do some couples go to the gym together?

Because they want their relationship to work out.

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."

My brother said, "You want a cookie?"

Why did Michael Jackson become white? He wanted to be like a ghost, and I have any feeheet.

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

I wasn't going to tell another emo joke, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.

A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"

She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."

Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"

A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.

One day, there are friends having fun.

Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."

And they all agree.

Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.

My friend wanted to say egg puns, so I told him, "Omelette you do your egg jokes."