you wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "a refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it"
Me: trys to scan self at walmart* i cant scan myself, wanna know why? Alfred: Why? Me: because im worthless... =)
A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?" The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore."
i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what”
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them just answer the phone and say "Pizza Hut abortion clinic where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana, Jack got high pulled down his fly and ask if she wanna, Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and had a little fun, stupid Jill forgot the pill now they have a son
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if yhu jump and yell parkour, it’ll just be a failed stunt
When I grow up I wanna be like lil peep...
Dead
wanna know why to not joke about 911? They usually crash the party
Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?
Actually I shouldn't spread it.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?
Why doesn’t the US wanna play chess with the UK?
The US is already down 2 towers and the UK has a unkillable queen.
Most states:
"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."
Alabama:
"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."
Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What's that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
“Wanna play the rape game?”
“No!!!!”
“That’s the spirit!”
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
So. You wanna hear a joke about the wall? ...Actually nah you won't get over it
