Violence jokes

Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?

A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.

I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.

If you kill an orphan, would that count as a squad wipe?

What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?

Optimistic.

What's the difference between a man and a table?

The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

What are the best shooting ranges in America?

Schools.

What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?

An erection.

I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"

Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.

"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"

How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?

Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.

My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"

My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?

What is red and goes 200 miles per hour?

A baby in a blender.

I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.

What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!

Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.

Why didn't Logan Paul high five the Asian man? Because he loves to leave Asians hanging.

What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?

A pedophile.

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"