Violence Jokes

My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.

Now we wait...

Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.

*School shooting happens.*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*

American student: "First time?"

Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"

American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."

Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.

The jury: O.o

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.

What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀

How did the Indian suicide bomber blow himself up?

He pressed the red button.

What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?

My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.

We all yelled "Rocket league!"

You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?

Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.

What's the difference between a child and a book?

One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.

What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.

And your IQ is 5.

When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"

What's the difference between an onion and a baby?

One makes you cry when you cut it up.

Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."