Violence Jokes

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.

What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD incoming.

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.

While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are through the roof!

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:

The guy says, "I'm a fireman."

The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"

The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."

The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"

The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."

Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?

A. Batman's parents.

How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

Woman: "I want coffee, black."

Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"

They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣