Violence jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.

What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head?

A bullet.

Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?

A. By using her equal strength.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.

Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:

The guy says, "I'm a fireman."

The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"

The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."

The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"

The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are through the roof!

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?

The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.

How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.

Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?

A. Batman's parents.

Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."

Gf: "I luv u too."

Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."

Gf: "Ah, about that..."

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.