Violence jokes
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
What’s an abbreviation for school in America?
Shooting range.
Jokes just as dead as the victims.
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
An apple a day keeps a doctor away... at least if you throw it hard enough.
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head?
A bullet.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:
The guy says, "I'm a fireman."
The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"
The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."
The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."
Gf: "I luv u too."
Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."
Gf: "Ah, about that..."
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.