Violence jokes
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
This black dude goes up to an Indian guy and says, "What up brotha?"
The Indian guy gets offended and says, "We are not the same."
The black guy then pulls out a gun, and the Indian guy says, "Ok brother, ok brother, we are the same, we are the same."
Do the voice in your head.
What do you call a school bus with 30 kids?
A killstreak.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?
Debris.
Did you know pigeons die after sex? At least when I fucked it.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
Punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.
Why couldn't the rape victim run away?
Because she was dead.
Why did a woman believe she was a target? She had a price tag without any value to it.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it!
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
If you see a woman get raped, just walk away. Don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all.