Violence jokes
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.
I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"
I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it... Oh, wait.
Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?
A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"
Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
It's not like it can tell its parents.
How do you blow up an Indian? Press the red dot in the middle of their forehead!
🤣😂😆😁
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.
I kicked a ball at the kid in the wheelchair, and now we're playing Rocket League.
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?