My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.
Violence Jokes
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
What is another name for a serial rapist? Short dress enthusiast.
If there's ever a shooting at school, pull out an Uno reverse card.
What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer; the other one is just an orphan.
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.
What does Sonic say when he's bored?
Punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
It’s easy as 1-2-3!
So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Roses are dead, violets smell like poo, I got a big fucking shotgun, what you gonna do?
