Violence jokes
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.
It's not rape if you're both crying.
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.
What’s worse than nailing 10 babies to 1 tree?
Nailing 1 baby to 10 trees.
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
I punched an orphan, and he told me to leave him alone. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
You reload and keep shooting.
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
35! Do you have a problem with that?
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.