I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
I punched you so hard that I'll call you "Droppy Pussy."
Things said by racist aliens:
"Some of my best friends are Green."
"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."
"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."
"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"
"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."
"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"
"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."
"Get the hell out of my store you grigger!"
"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"
What is one of the worst but funniest incidents ever: a bullet in a baby in a baggy in a barrel in a bus in a nuclear plant were all of the employee's are molesters?
9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""
"You stabbed my brother!"
"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
*School shooting happens*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*
American student: "First time?"
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?
It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
