Use jokes
No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.
This page could use more "butt quack" jokes.
Memes
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.