Use jokes
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is dangerous for kids if put on their face, the other one is used to carry groceries.
I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...
I used to be emo.
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.
"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.
Why is death taken so lightly? It's terrible how people use it! (This is NOT a joke!)
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
Sans: What am I using?
A trom-bone!
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
Yo mama so poor, she used a KFC bucket as a rain hat.
What do LGBTQ+ people use as a weapon in THG (The Hunger Games)?
A rainbow.
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.
Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”
Q: What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
A: Downey.
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
What does an Emo kid and Ted Bundy have in common?
They're both gay and use knives.
I have a confession. I used to be a Christian.
Don’t bother me none, babe!
Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine!
“Hol up”