Use jokes
I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.
If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.
I made a house for orphans and...
they had no clue how to use it.
Memes
When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?
I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.
What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.
You're so skinny, you use chapstick as deodorant.
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
Why did the topless woman shout, "Stop raping us?"
Because she was uneducated.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He wonβt stand against the three of us!
Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture?
A: One uses one nail to hang.
Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. ππ
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
Vegan Teacher the musical.
Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"
Mr. Beast- πΆ "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" πΆ
Chandler-π΅ "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" π΅
Mr. Beast- π΅ "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" π΅
Miss Kadie - π΅ "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" π΅
Kids- π΅ "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"
Miss Kadie - π΅ "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"
- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.