Use jokes
Why don't you use a dull pencil?
Because there's no point. 😐😑😑
I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...
I used to be emo.
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.
Why don't rappers use the subway?
Because they don't want to miss their next rhyme.
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.
Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."
Why are bees' hair sticky?
Because they use honeycombs!
Why did Sally stare out the window for 24 hours straight?
Sally's used to being blind!
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
Why was Stephen Hawking arrested? The police used computer GPS.
Draw an accurate diagram representing the elephant genitalia. Use all 30 sheets of paper provided.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
Long time since I made a joke, huh? I used a Time Machine to make this one.
What do cows use for math? A cow-culator 😏
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.