I met a fat chick at the beach. People started asking me what I use for bait. Or do you want us to help throw the Whale back in the water?
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory, one day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station,I told her so you can weigh yourself on the truck scale.
If I agreed with Leo then that wouldn’t solve anything, it would just make BOTH of us dumb
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard? - so they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.
How do rappers stay cool?
They use RAP-SICLES
Leo is as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
What do you white people use as pronouns? Crack/her
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?
Nothing they both use the force to get what they want.
Long time since I made a joke huh? I used a Time Machine to make this one
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself? A hypoteNUSE!
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
Friend 1: *turns off lights*
Friend 2: *is there with us*
Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
An African man visits his friend in the US.
“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”
“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.
“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
