My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
There used to be Wonder Woman.
Now we wonder, what is a woman?
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
What do British politics and transgender people have in common?
Both aren't what they used to be...
My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
If I agreed with Leo, then that wouldn’t solve anything. It would just make BOTH of us dumb.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.
How do rappers stay cool?
They use RAP-SICLES.
Leo is as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
What do you white people use as pronouns? Crack/her
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?
Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.
