Use jokes

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.

How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?

Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.

Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?

Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.

What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?

"Let us pray."

I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.

I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.

He’s used to penetrating aggressively.

President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.

Oh well, that's politics.

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.

What do us emos all have in common?

Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."

How do butts communicate?

By using CRACK-BERRIES!

What do you call a U.S. border hopper?

A Mexican jumping bean.

I used to think 11/11 was mistakenly 9/11.

Why don't rappers use the subway?

Because they don't want to miss their next rhyme.

My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

Weird.

Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.