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Why do orphans use water for their cereal?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.

What was one cool thing about Hitler?

He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.

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    • Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.

    Me: "What are you doing??"

    Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"

    Me: "I don't know."

    Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"

    Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"

    Don't bully kids.

    One rainy day a NASCAR race was going on and they had no other choice but to use this bitch's forehead. https://sportsrecruits.com/athlete/morgan_tomporowski

    Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.

    What?

    The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*

    Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

    Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

    Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

    Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

    Lady: "Let me do that."

    Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

    What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight?

    Do you think he saw us?

    I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”

    He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”

    I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, the watch voice asked us if we wanted to do a solo run or a group run.

    Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout, “I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty!”

    Shame on you, Pessi!

    What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?

    The condom was actually useful at one point.

    In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

    Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."

    I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

    I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.