One rainy day a NASCAR race was going on and they had no other choice but to use this bitches forehead https://sportsrecruits.com/athlete/morgan_tomporowski
what flowers do orphans use... self raising flower
Yo Father. Don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anul plug in there.
What?
The holy water gets all the ass of. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*
Lady: Can I lick your balls? Me: Ummmmm, Ok? Lady: grabs ball sack and licks my balls Me: I gonna have to clean these now Lady: Let me do that Me: No thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!
What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight............do you think he saw us
I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink due to my dying first. He said “big games my friend”. He then proceeded to teach us “The greater the Big games the higher the Bottling
I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, The watch voice asked us if we wanted to do solo run or group run. Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout “ I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty” Shame on you pessi😡😡
What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP? The condom was actually useful at one point.
In kindergarten we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words. Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit"
we destroyed 2 boats, AND THEY DROPPED THE SUN ON US TWICE
I remember when I was a kid i thought the world used to be colorless.
I was kinda right, they used to not let colors in a lot of areas.
man: why cant an orphan use Verizon ? kid: why? man: cause they have a family plan kid: oh then i need to switch phone services then man: why kid: im a orphan man: laughs out loud thats tuff ( you can tell the joke shortentd by saying why cant an orphan use Verizon cause they have a family plan)
man: why cant an orphan use Verizon? kid: i dont know why man: cause they have a family plan kid: well i need to get another phone service now
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.
"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?" Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?" Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"
Hi, welcome to Mario's pizzeria/abortion clinic Where no fetus can beat us and your loss is our sauce.
Your so skinny my granma gana use you like a cane
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew the answer would be a comb or a piano but technically if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them they have teeth but can't chew with them
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off then he ask if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah the thing is my mom was coming out the shower naked and when she open the door it was me and the mailman. Now when the mailman sees me he says to me we got something in common we both saw your mom naked.
On my 21st Birthday my mom told me I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child your going to to get something good and something you been looking forward to is what my mom said. Me my mom and my on;y friend celebrate my Birthday then we all went to sleep I woke up the next day I ask hey where my gift you said you got me. My mom said since your father left us you have have no father figure in your life. So this is your new step father the only thing it was my only friend.
Watersharky Music Productions Presents As It Was by Harry Styles Holdin' me back Gravity's holdin' me back I want you to hold out the palm of your hand Why don't we leave it at that? Nothin' to say When everything gets in the way Seems you cannot be replaced And I'm the one who will stay, oh-oh-oh In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same Answer the phone "Harry, you're no good alone Why are you sitting at home on the floor? What kind of pills are you on?" Ringin' the bell And nobody's coming to help Your daddy lives by himself He just wants to know that you're well, oh-oh-oh In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same Go home, get ahead, light-speed internet I don't wanna talk about the way that it was Leave America, two kids follow her I don't wanna talk about who's doin' it first