Ups jokes
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!
Me: But Billy's with her right now.
Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM
Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.
"Consent is just some fucked up feminist propaganda."
Been watching Smackdown DVDs, and I'm so erect right now. I'm so bricked up.
I went up to the depressed kid and said, "I like ya cuts G!"
Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.
A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.
A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
Me: *posts random joke about a duck*
That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."
That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."
Bro it’s a joke...
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
Who was the most successful transgender and transracial person in history?
Michael Jackson. He grew up a poor, black boy, and died a rich, white woman.
Why did the influencer terrorist get arrested?
Because his TikTok blew up...
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
To make up her mind.
Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out?
The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.
Shut the f*ck up.
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.