Ups jokes
A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.
She told her, "Hey, long time no see."
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
Jack got a big shock with a mouth full of huge cock, because Jill's real name is Randy, and she had no candy, just he gave Jack a handy.
I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.
More about Quinn: He loves Robin. He loves his tight ass. He licks up all his shit after Taco Bell.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”
Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!
Me: But Billy's with her right now.
Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM
Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.
"Consent is just some fucked up feminist propaganda."
Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.
A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.
Been watching Smackdown DVDs, and I'm so erect right now. I'm so bricked up.
I went up to the depressed kid and said, "I like ya cuts G!"
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.