Ups

Ups jokes

Lesbian

    • When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:

    Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.

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    • Jesus

    • What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?

    It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

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    • Girl

    • So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

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    • Role

    • I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

    Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

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    • Shower

    • They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

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    • Ups memes

    Abortion

    • The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

    The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"

    The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"

    The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"

    The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"

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    • Teeth

    • When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."

    A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."

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    • Boy

    • A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."

    Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."

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    • God

    • Conversation between a little baby and a lady👇

    👱LADY: Hi. 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: How old are you? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your mom's name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What about your dad? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell GOD? 💂LIT.BABY: (spelling) G.O.D

    If a little baby can spell GOD, what about you? Just spend some minutes and type "GOD" if [you] know [that you] will sleep and wake up tomorrow by GOD's grace, ignore if you are living by power. MINE: GOD 😃

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    • Swing

    • Why did Sarah fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.

    Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no friends.

    Bird

    • My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

    That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    Abortion

    • I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

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