Ups jokes

Tonight, I picked up an anorexic prostitute.

It was really easy because she was only about 90 pounds.

Australia needs YOUR help!

ISIS brides are coming to Australia! They need to go back to where they came from. Help us before they blow us up like the terrorists they are!

Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.

Why does Hitler hate golf?

He would end up in a bunker!

All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!

I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.

I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

Me be like: ;-;

What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?

"What does this button do...?"

Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.

A guy walks up to a girl. He says, "Hey, you want a poker? I’ve got one."

When does an Emo wake up in the morning? After the rooster says, "Cutadoodledo!"

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.

She said we can still be cousins.

What's the difference between dark humor and normal humor?

Normal humor is ten babies and one trash can.

Dark humor is one baby and ten trash cans.

Scroll down for explanation.

Ten babies in one trash can; one baby in ten means that the baby was chopped up.

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."

I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.

Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.