Ups jokes

What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?

Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.

What's the hardest part of eating bald pussy? Pulling the diapers back up when you're done!

I was eating this girl out the other day and I tasted horse semen... I looked up at the girl and said “that’s how you died, grandma!”

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

Jack got a big shock with a mouth full of huge cock, because Jill's real name is Randy, and she had no candy, just he gave Jack a handy.

Why can't Indians play football?

Every time they get a corner, they open up a shop. 🙉

What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?

Sit down and shut up.

I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!

Okay Air Attack Productions... Beat This-Falling-By watersharky Productions and TD.

My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, Talk to me, I need to hear you need me like I need ya, Fall for me, I wanna know you feel how I feel for you, love, Before you, baby, I was numb, drowned out pain by pouring up, Speeding fast on the run, never want to get caught up, Now you the one that I'm calling, Swore that I'd never fall again, don't think I'm just talking, I think I might go all in, no exceptions, girl, I need ya, Think I'm out of my mind, 'cause I can't get enough, Only one that I give my time, 'cause I got eyes for ya, Might make an exception for ya, 'cause I been feeling ya, Think I might be out of my mind, I think that you're the one, My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, I'll never give my all again, 'Cause I'm sick of falling down, When I open up and give my trust, They find a way to break it down, Tear me up inside, and you break me down.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

What is George Floyd’s best pick up line?

"You're breathtaking."

These jokes have a good build up, but in the end, they all come crashing down.

Q: Where do smart hot dogs end up?

A: The honor roll.

Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.

My friend: What’s wrong?

Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂

I was thinking of starting up a stair company, but there were too many steps to it.

Hey, what's up?

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.

The kid that died is cut in half, and you see the next trap. It looks like a giant pit that you have to jump over, and you clear it, but you feel something on your back, and you realize that there is a spike that comes up when you jump over. You see the other contestant jump over. You try to warn them to not step over because they would get stabbed, but they ignore you and then get hit by the spike. The next obstacle is a wall that slams on a wall. You wait until the wall closes, and you quickly run through. The next person runs through, and they get to live.

Sorry, this is small. This is also a part two.