Ups jokes
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.
Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D
Stairs are bad, because they are always up to something.
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.
The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"
Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."
If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!
What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"
Are you an egg, because you crack me up?
So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"
She said, "*sniff* yes."
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?
I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.
We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
Q: Why do birds need feathers?
A: To cover up their butt quack!
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."
Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?
He woke up and found out it was true.
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"
So many of these jokes are unoriginal, and you guys need to step up your game.