Ups jokes
Jeff crosses the US border.
The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.
Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."
6 looks like someone facing up.
9 looks like someone facing down.
69 looks like 2 people sucking each other's dicks.
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
Latias is red.
Latios is blue.
You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.
As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.
I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."
A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."
And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.
What goes up stairs but doesn't move? Stairs! Laugh now!
The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.
Yo mama so short, she wakes up every day in a brick house singing “Everything is Awesome”.
What's up?
A rocket from NASA.
OMG SO FUNNYY!
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
Gwen-Kind-Positive-Lends a Helping Hand- Stops Bullies- Does Most Helpful Work.
Addison Banks- Positive Voicing-Stops Hurtful Words.
ALYA-Powerful in Thought- Helps- But Sadly Is Gone.
Prince-Always Backed Up Gwen- But Sadly Is Gone Too.
Watersharky-Helps When Needed-Backs Up Anyone- Curses When Needed- Helps People Through Depression.
These Are The Legends, There Are More Out There You Could Be One Too Just Lend a Helping Hand.
Me: Hi Jaiden.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.
Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*
Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.
FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!
Abraham Lincoln was a good man, he jumped out the window with his dick in his hand and walked up to a group of ladies and said I'm doing my duty so why don't you give me some booty?
I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.
"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."
I ordered a pizza with everything on it, but I got a plain pizza.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”