Ups jokes

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

Two baked beans traveled around Australia.

They both ended up in Cairns.

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

Know what a 6.9 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.