Ups jokes

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.

I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.

Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?

Parental Login: __________

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.

Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"

The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."

Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"

The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."

Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈

Two girls have a sleepover.

Karen: Let's go to bed.

Lauren: Fine, but it's early.

*Karen wakes up and exits room*

*Lauren hears noise*

Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.

Lauren: *laughs*

Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*

Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.