Who do you call to clean up foul language?
A cuss-todian!
Ups Jokes
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.
Spy: Hahaha.
Me: What?
Spy: Time to pick up your mother.
Me: Oh no....
Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!
I searched up hornets and then said that it will leave a sting.
What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven?
Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.
My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.
What's the worst part about getting old?
Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!
A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."
The other sibling said, "You are, too."
Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."
And the sibling says, "We're twins."
The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
Q: Why don't orphans turn up to parents evening?
A: Because they don't have any parents.
I didn't put my kids up for adoption.
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
Why was the rapper always in shape?
Because he dropped so many BARS, he had to stay fit to pick them up!
When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"
My science teacher was talking about natural selection.
At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.
If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."
Tonight, I picked up an anorexic prostitute.
It was really easy because she was only about 90 pounds.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
