Ups jokes

When does a dyslexic person know when they've spelt their address wrong?

When it fails to turn up.

Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.

Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dr. Pepper for a check up.

Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.

Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?

Quote Of The Day:

It's okay to struggle.

It's not okay to give up.

Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."

Why is Dawayne so small? Because his parents cut him up into small slices!

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

A train walks into a bar. It says to the barkeeper, "I'll have a gallon of ale."

"A gallon?" the barkeeper asks.

"Yes," replies the train, "I always end up chugging it."

What’s the last balloon George Floyd blew up? His heroin balloon.

Shut your transparent hairline up.

I see 2 fighting with 3. "What's going on?" I ask. 5 responds: "The numbers are moving on up."

Your hairline pushed back lookin' like you got slapped up by Will Smith.

"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."

It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.