Ups jokes
That shit was trash. You can't handle me.
Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
What goes up but never goes down?
My grades.
(I wish)
Sorry for this Pick Up Line.
Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11, so let me put my plane in and let kids fall out.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.
No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.
Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
I prank called someone and I said, "Is there a Missis Wall there?" They said no. Is there a Mr. Wall there? They said no. Are there any Walls there? They said no. Then what's holding up your building?
My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."
"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂
What does the egg do after the pan told him a joke?
He cracked up!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Maserati.
Maserati who?
Why don't you clean up this Maserati?
Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?
Don’t worry, he didn’t either.
I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.
After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
People are so f***ed up. I belated "Frickin' BTW!"
So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What's the difference between emos and 9/11?
The emos are still there, high up off the ground.
Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.
Why did Stephan Hawking not turn up to the meeting?
His internet connection ran out.