Ups jokes

People are so f***ed up. I belated "Frickin' BTW!"

So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

Y'know, I never knew Obi-Wan Kenobi participated in an anime, "Snow White with the Red Hair," up until now.

What goes up but never goes down?

My grades.

(I wish)

Why are people so worked up about 9/11? They were just playing Jenga.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.

No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.

Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.

Annabeth: "Percy, whaters up with you?"

Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?

They just wash up on shore.

Joe Mama so fat, when she told a joke nobody laughed, but the floor was cracking up.

Jeff crosses the US border.

The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.

Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."

I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!

Joe Mama so fat when she stepped on the sidewalk, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

When does an Emo wake up in the morning? After the rooster says, "Cutadoodledo!"

Why did you and Sarah break up?

'Cause she cheetahed on me.

Sorry for this Pick Up Line.

Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11, so let me put my plane in and let kids fall out.

Never gonna give you up.

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."