Ups jokes
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!
Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.
Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."
Memes
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
What goes up but doesn't come down?
I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.
After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"
I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."
Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?
Don’t worry, he didn’t either.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
You know what should give up and stay dead?
Fortnite.
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
Shut the hell up with all these Stephen Hawking jokes, hahah. I wanna kms.
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"
Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
Because there was no chemistry...
Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.
AKA, you're up for adoption.