Ups jokes

Never search up "monkey with blue balls."

There were two twins, and they were both very tall.

The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

I smell up dog in here.

"What's up, dog?"

Nothing much, how about you?

If this pops up on your timeline, fuck you!

My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

Ha ha! Get rickrolled!

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.

Why did Hitler go for handicap?

Because they can’t stand up for themselves.

Y'know, I never knew Obi-Wan Kenobi participated in an anime, "Snow White with the Red Hair," up until now.

This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?

What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

What do you do when you're bored?

Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.

Get the gun, shoot it up your bum!