There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
Ups Jokes
Your sister is so short, she needs to roll up her panties.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
Because he got fired!
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!
My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.
Your hairline pushed back lookin' like you got slapped up by Will Smith.
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
A train walks into a bar. It says to the barkeeper, "I'll have a gallon of ale."
"A gallon?" the barkeeper asks.
"Yes," replies the train, "I always end up chugging it."
Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?
I saw a little kid cry. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. Jeez, I love working at the orphanage!
Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dr. Pepper for a check up.
I love Steven Hawking’s stand-up comedy!
My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢
Me people call me emo.
Older cousin: Why?
Because I always have my hood up and wear black cloths and wear black cross earrings.
My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?
Asked when will they do up the cars!
