Ups

Ups jokes

Wall

"Is Mrs. Wall here?"

"No."

"Is Mr. Wall here?"

"No."

"Then what is holding up the walls?"

Egg

What does the egg do after the pan told him a joke?

He cracked up!

Dog

I smell up dog in here.

"What's up, dog?"

Nothing much, how about you?

Memes

Orphan

If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Game

Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)

Me: God, no, help!

*game notification pops up with very loud sound*

Man

What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?

Sit down and shut up.

Wife

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

Perspective

I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Rapper

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he was always COOKING UP RHYMES!

Down Syndrome

Down Syndrome

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?

I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!

Blowjob

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

Orphan

It's fucked up how people make these jokes, and when orphans read them, it makes them feel worse about themselves. I should know, I'm an orphan.

Razor

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

CEO

CEO Intrepid entrepreneur born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.

Repeat, come on Jeffrey, you can do it, pave the way, put your back into it, tell us why, show us how, look at where you came from, look at you now.

Zuckerberg and Gates and Musk, they're the anchors, can make and sick it up there with drink their blood, come on Jeff get it! Dododoododododod

Bar

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."