Ups jokes
Why don't paralyzed people laugh?
They hate stand-up comedy.
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF file.
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
Shut up with that Vegeta looking hairline!
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
How do you cause an African parade?
You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!
If this pops up on your timeline, fuck you!
I was the person that flew into the Twin Towers. I have two friends that are both twins, and whenever they speak, I tell them to shut up because if they don't, I'll make myself explode in them.
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
The guy called up to the orphanage, then he asked, "Where are the kids' faces?"
Then another guy said, "Sorry, there's no homepage."
That shit was trash. You can't handle me.
Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?
Why does fireman wear red suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
Why did Hitler go for handicap?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.
If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.
If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.