Ups jokes
People are so f***ed up. I belated "Frickin' BTW!"
So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?
This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.
What did the ass say to the joke?
"You crack me up!"
Memes
The guy called up to the orphanage, then he asked, "Where are the kids' faces?"
Then another guy said, "Sorry, there's no homepage."
That shit was trash. You can't handle me.
Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Why are people so worked up about 9/11? They were just playing Jenga.
Sorry for this Pick Up Line.
Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11, so let me put my plane in and let kids fall out.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.
No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Why did you and Sarah break up?
'Cause she cheetahed on me.
What goes up but never goes down?
My grades.
(I wish)
Why don't paralyzed people laugh?
They hate stand-up comedy.
Shut up with that Vegeta looking hairline!
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.