Ups jokes

What do you do when you're bored?

Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

Get the gun, shoot it up your bum!

If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.

If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

Ha ha! Get rickrolled!

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.

You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.

I smell up dog in here.

"What's up, dog?"

Nothing much, how about you?

What is the best way to make a leaf?

Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.

2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

What goes up stairs but doesn't move? Stairs! Laugh now!

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!

Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.

When is the last time you picked up the phone?

Yesterday I had a party.

I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.

I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!

What did you call a school that got blown up?

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?