A man shoots up a School and then fakes his own death, he then later returns to shoot up the same school, he repeats the prosses a few times untill the police catch him, when they ask why he did it, he replied "I wondered when you would check if i was still breathing"
Why did Mia Khalifa become so famous? Because she blew up.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole? -- Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said "I'm a frayed knot
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
one time the quite kid hacked the speakers in a school next thing you know it pumped up kicks by Foster The People starts playing
- Mommy, what will i be when i'm grown up? - Shut Up Sam, you've got cancer!
Jack and jill went up the hill to have a little fun jack got mad kicked jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis? You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal....Does he taste funny to you?
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life ten when I woke up my wife was gone.
What is an Emo's favorite way to Cosplay?
Dress up as a piñata!!
Define abnormal life.
Waking up everyday living a sane life!
Why can orphans never be kidnapped? No-one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up"
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friends house after hooking up. "Was it hung?" her friend asks. "No he was shot."
Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door.He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that i've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!
When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays pumped up kicks
