Ups jokes
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
Bf: Babe, do you love me?
Gf: Of course, why do you ask?
Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.
Kevin Woody (look him up)
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
Just look up texting jokes. Don't ask why, just do it.
When I got to school, they gave me an Acer laptop, so I went up to the teacher and aced her.
Hairline is so far up, Patrick Mahomes can't even sell to a wide receiver.
Son: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?
Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!
Mom: Well, I made you.
I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."
When the school shooter drops his gun, and the autistic kid picks it up thinking it’s his long lost nerf gun.
OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.
The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.
Stephen Hawking's family was cruel. He fell over and got told to man up and walk it off.
Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption?
He thought his son sucked!
10 dicks up your mom's ass!
I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.
Your hairline's so far up, they call it a skyline!
Are you the Twin Towers? Because I'd smash.
My friend's 4-year-old daughter made up this joke.
What kind of poo should you put in your hair?
Shampoo.
Addison Banks Age (8)
"I'm a little brat who won't shut the hell up! And stop talking!"
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.