Two jokes
Wanna hear two short jokes and one long one?
joke, joke, jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke.
Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"
The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"
BOINGZINGA!?!
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.
Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your mum's so fat, she broke Britain too!
Q: What do you call a blonde with only two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."
Why can't America play chess?
There are missing two towers.
Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.
Too bad only one was standing. :)
If I throw a paper airplane at two twins, did I cause 9/11?
What kinda pizza did the Twin Towers order?
Two plains.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.
Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.
One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."
The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."
What do you call two natives in a sleeping bag?
Twix.
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."