Two jokes

If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?

What do you call two Latinos playing baseball one on one?

What did the Twin Towers order for dinner?

Two large planes.

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

What do you call two natives in a ditch?

A sleepover.

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."

9/11 is like genders.

There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.

One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."

The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."

What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A liqueur cabinet.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.

Me: Cool, what rank of officer?

Jim: SS.

Me:...

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

How do you get two deaf people from fighting?

Turn off the lights and walk out.

Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”