Two Jokes

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

Why can't America play chess?

There are missing two towers.

You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?

You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

For some unexplainable reason I instantly though “hmm this sounds like something for dagger”

An image of a knight in full armor with a text overlay that reads "Here we can see two men eager to reclaim the holy land, staring at each other."

I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.

Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!

How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.

I feel bad for all American Clash Royale players.

They always start with two towers downed.

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

If two feminazis are carpet munchers, which one in the lesbian relationship cooks?

They both don't because both of the carpet munchers are too busy eating each other's pussy 😋 🤪 😌 😏 😜 👍 👍 👌 👌 👏 🏆 🥇 💭 🤔 😮 😁 😊 😃 😄 👌 😍 🥰 ☺️

Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

What do you call two Latinos playing baseball one on one?

If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?

What did the Twin Towers order for dinner?

Two large planes.

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

9/11 is like genders.

There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"