Two

Two jokes

Bullying

    • When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

  • 0

    • Butter

    • Two sticks of butter walk into a butter bar. One says to the other, "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" He replies, "Sure, dis my butter from another utter."

  • 0

    • Blonde joke

    • A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."

  • 1
    • Two memes

    Cop

    • A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

    I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

  • 1

    • Adrenaline

    • My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.

    The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.

    With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

  • 4

    • Bar

    • So two guys walk into a bar. One says, "Can I have something to drink?"

    The other says, "You wish!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLO dab on the haters - Jake Paul wreeeeecckkked.................... DABDABDABDBABABDBABDBABDBABDBDABDBsabBaDBAD,,,,,,,,,,five fo e the winners. KILL MATPAT, THE EARTH IS FLAT AND A DONUT

  • 1

    • Cake

    • You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

    Boy

    • I wrote a few jokes:

    What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.

    Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.

    What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.

  • 0

    • Twin Towers

    • What do maths and 9/11 have in common?

    They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.

  • 2

    • Line

    • Pick up lines.

    "One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

    "Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

  • 1

    • Trump

    • Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.

    As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.

    As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.

    Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"

  • 5

    • Jenga

    • You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

  • 1

    • Dad

    • Kid: Hey, Dad.

    Dad: You're an hour late.

    Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

    Dad: By yourself?

    Kid: No.

    Dad: A boy?

    Kid: I was with the teacher.