Two

Two jokes

Mom

    • Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

    Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

    Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

    You know we straight with doin' your mom

    Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

    Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

    Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

    You know we straight with doin' your mom

    I’m doin' your mom. Yes yours!

    I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin' out your drawers.

    Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen

    But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.

    I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?

    She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.

    Five minutes later she agreed to get with me

    So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.

    I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.

    I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn’t start.

    She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

    How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!

    Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.

    She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.

    Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young

    To be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

    Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

    Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

    Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

    You know we straight with doin' your mom

  • 1

    • Wheelchair

    • What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

    Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.

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    • Number

    • Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?

    Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.

    Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)

    Two memes

    Octopus

    • Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.

    Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?

    Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.

  • 3

    • Balloon

    • "Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.

    (Later)

    "Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"

  • 1

    • Terrorist

    • Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

    The terrorists both say, "A beer."

    The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

    One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

  • 2

    • Dad

    • I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.

    I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.

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    • Weed

    • Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.

    Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.

    I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.

    Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.

  • 2

    • Girlfriend

    • Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

    The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

    A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

  • 1

    • Cheese grater

    • So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

    Fish

    • Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"

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