Two Jokes

Two of my grandpa's died in ww2 Their tower fell over

two hats are next to eachother, one hat says to the other ''stay here, ill go on a head"

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Young Couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!"So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!”

What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

What has 4 legs and two gloves

All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️

What are Teo things that an orphan can’t have...

Two parents

This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.” The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill two and half men.

Why at the two friends like the twin towers?

They fell apart.

Two air vents walked into a bar.

The third one duct.

What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease? Maracas.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron." The other asks, "Are you sure?" "Yes," the first says, "I'm positive."

What is the similarity between maths and buildings? Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane

i saw two really tall guys i walked up and said "i didn't know we still have the twin towers"

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen" So, I did what I had to do, and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!