riddle: I don't move, I travel across the world, but I never leave the corner. what am I?
answer: a stamp
I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.
I ate a time-machine once, it was very time consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
You never told me you were part orangutan, have you considered taking a vacation to Planet of the Apes?
What do you call a muslim flying a plane... A pilot
What type of pizza do they serve on an airplane
Plane Pizza
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation? Do you need help packing your shit?
A Muslim enters a building...
Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight? A: They get their shit packed the night before.
So Steph Curry and Lebron Jame went on a vacation and Steph Curry said try not to travel
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
Why does Jesus never vacation on earth?, because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick and their still talking about it
The Barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
A time traveler walks into a bar.
