Transportation jokes

A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”

When I give you the signal, I want you to roll down your window and call the oncoming cyclist a prick.

Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.

What motorway lane does Stephen Hawking use?

Hard shoulder.

Why are supercars so super? Because it is superfast, lol.

One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.

What's up with airline food?

Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.

Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!

What do you call roller skates you can walk in?

"Wock n' roll."

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Honda? Just the Honda.

I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...

I was two tired.

Sully: Praised after landing in the Hudson River.

Garuda Indonesia 421:

Sully's co-pilot:

What did the plane say to the Twin Towers?

Nothing, planes can't talk.

Yo mama so thick, they need an aircraft carrier to take her places.

When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.

Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

What is the difference between interstate and intercourse?

Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?

Why did the plane go to KFC?

To lose its wings and crash!