Transportation jokes
Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
What time is it when you get home and you can't walk?
Yo mama so fat that she had to wear a yellow jacket and everyone shouted, "Taxi!"
What do we want? Plane noises!
When do we need it? Neeooooooowwwww!
Ignition of the bus engine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrdQcalibEo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC7S6BZVXkI
Out in new whip
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
What’s red and goes 90 miles an hour?
Why did Sally decide to fly to school?
She couldn't drive.
What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
Me: Hi Kallen.
Kallen: Hi.
Me: You're too big to fit in my car.
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
Why did my mother buy me a Honda? She knows I can't move, so she pushed my wheelchair with me in it into the ocean. I survived just by a second, but a shark got my wheelchair, fucking bitch.
My friends were the pilots on 9/11, they told me, "Bro, chill, it's just a prank!"
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What did Amtrak say at the Olympics?
I AM keeping Trak!