Transportation jokes
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
How to get 60 Translink workers? Please head out of the pool because ya'll are fat. Oh wait, didn't you poop yourself? Say sorry to your underwear while pooping as a fat Canadian Translink worker, little boy.
I know a Chinese joy rider, Tommy Tookamotor.
Your forehead is so big that it's a 20 dollar taxi ride from your eyebrow to your hairline.
What did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. 😂😂😂
Me: Hi Kallen.
Kallen: Hi.
Me: You're too big to fit in my car.
Two people were on a boat. They were afloat on water!
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
Why was Aaron's mum sad? The bus missed Aaron.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was stuck in a crack.
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
What is the difference between a human and a human rights act and a walk home and walk walk home from home and walk walk home and a wheelchair to wheelchair and wheelchair to wheelchair for wheelchair home night time to a home was fun at home night was the day I had dinner is it fun for me I was going to be a walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home night time?
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
My grandpa lost his toe today. 😔
Nvm, we found it. It's in his TOEtruck.