Transportation jokes

The last words from a depressive person are: "I finally see a train!"

How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?

You poke it on.

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.

Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.

What is the difference between a tree and "walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home"?

Was your birthday?

What is yellow and brings kids to school every day?

What do you call an airplane that doesn’t fly?

A plane wingless.

I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.

I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.

What do you call a lesbian on a bike?

A dyke...

What can fly underwater?

A mosquito in a submarine.

I like trains.

*train hits him*

What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"

What is Satan's way to go to places? A helicopter.

What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?

The subway guy didn’t get away with it...

This isn't a joke, I repeat, this is not a joke. The plane in Lake Harriet is not in the lake. It is invisible because of the satellite pic, so there's no plane in Lake Harriet.

Yo mama is SO FAT... SO FUCKING FAT... That when she went on the bus, she wasn't allowed in. She asked why, and the driver pointed to the sign "Weight capacity of 50 people". The bus was empty.

She got mad and ate the bus!

What do you call a train that stalls?

The little engine that couldn't!