Transportation jokes
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock.
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
What do you call a plane with no wings?
Sally.
What did the helicopter say?
Helicopter: "Kobe!"
What's the definition of total chaos?
A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.
The "what the flip is this" mobile!
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
What do you call a gay pride parade that was ran over?
Rainbow road.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
What was OceanGate's biggest regret?
Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.
What is long and hard and is full of seamen?
A submarine.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?
Give a man a plane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
What takes up 10 parking spaces? Five female drivers.
Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.
Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
A: She got hit by a bus.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.