Transportation jokes
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock.
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
What do you call a plane with no wings?
Sally.
What did the helicopter say?
Helicopter: "Kobe!"
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
What is long and hard and is full of seamen?
A submarine.
I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"
She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"
I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?
What takes up 10 parking spaces? Five female drivers.
Give a man a plane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.