Transportation jokes
A gay guy asked me for directions, so I told him to go straight.
Give Kobe a plane ticket, he'll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus!
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was stuck in a crack.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
He was stuck in the crack.
What is yellow and does not float well?
A school bus.
Why did the plane crash?
Because it was being flown by a loaf of bread.
Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)
A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.
What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bus filled with children.
Uber driver: .........
Me: .........
Uber driver: .........
Me: 5 stars.
What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?
A Citroën C4.
So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car.
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.