Train jokes

Nostalgia hits you like a train.

It's so hard, you can even wake up.

Why did the man get on the bus to get sussy?

How does a train eat?

"Chew chew!"

What do you call a train that carries bubblegum?

Chew-chew train! Hee hee!

Why do Americans always win at the shooting Olympics?

Because they train at the best school.

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?

Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.

The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.

The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.

The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."

This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."

Timmy has 5 apples.

His train is 7 minutes early.

Calculate the mass of the sun.

What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?

A train driver's egg sandwich.

Why couldn't the booty be a conductor?

It couldn't stay on track.

When they were going around giving out brains and you thought they were saying "train," so you said, "No thanks, I’ll take the next one!" 🤣

I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

I asked, "Where are you going?"

He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

I asked, "What do they do there?"

He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."

East Richmond has a train station at East Richmond, but Richmond is better, why?

What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

If Fascism got popularized by autistics, the trains would have run on time.